Miss Barbara Hurtback

#MeToo, blog, Hurtback, pulitzer pap -

Miss Barbara Hurtback

Could you see someone get physically abused and turn a blind eye? I mean, like seriously getting the sh** kicked out of 'em and you stand there doing nothing to stop it, or simply, look away? I've seen Lifetime movies show some of the most heinous things done to a spouse and no one says a word or bat an eye. Not even family members. Neighbors overhear "Barbara" get her head smashed through the wall every night and not a single word is uttered about it. See Barbara the next day, with her signature dark shades, as they water the lawn and wave like the night before never happened. This occurs more often than never to BOTH men and women. So often, that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%. Here's the kicker, those numbers don't include children. Yikes!! With domestic abuse being such a problem of epidemic proportion, how could anyone turn their head or cover their ears to this type of behavior? HOW?! How heartless do you have to be? How do they sleep at night? Those type of people are cowards. Any person that sits & allows physical abuse to take place without doing something is just as bad as the abuser. Can I get an Amen on that? If those people would stand up or, at least, speak up, I'm sure a lot of those domestic violence cases wouldn't occur. But why? Why are people just bystanders as helpless victims get abused? I think this would be a good part to take you guys to the "Other, Other Side" and show you a different point of view.
To be honest, I can kind of understand how someone can "mind their own business" when seeing physical abuse take place. I get it. One of most people's biggest fear is being involved in any physical altercation with anybody about anything. They don't know how to react, attack, or deescalate the situation. The thought alone makes people uneasy so the best defense is to avoid it all together. That's on a personal level. Now imagine how they feel about involving themselves in direct line of fire for someome else's domestic dispute. I'm almost certain that's not top of their priority list. Hell, if it was they would've been a superhero or a cop at least. I would think so anyway. That's not the case. Other bystanders, don't want to overstep their boundaries like Barbara's neighbors. They've lived next to Barbara and her abusive boyfriend long enough to know that Barbara will act as if "everything is all fine" when help is offered. No matter how bad it gets, she will always go back. What can you say? Barbara likes what she likes and the heart wants what it wants, however good or bad that may be. Who are we to tell her different? Which brings me to this point. How do you handle a physical altercation between a couple and the victim doesn't feel they need your help? Do you let it continue? Or neglect their wishes and do something about it with the possibility of making matters worse or getting hurt in the process? Ehhh. It can get a bit tricky at times.
One time a couple years back, that very scenario happened to me and my buddies. One night we decided to go to a bar after a Bubba Sparxx concert. Yeah, you read that right. Bubba Sparxx of the New South. Anyway, we pull up and hop out of the truck talking about how good the show was and we hear someone screaming from another close parking lot. From the dim lights, at first glance, we can only see their silhouettes. We think it's two girls fighting so I yell, "Oooooh, sh***! They fighting, WORLDSTAR!!!" We're laughing cause we're still thinking it's two girls until one of them picks the other up and slams them on their back into the pavement. That's when we realized, that wasn't two girls. It was a dude that just dropped a female on the concrete. I then yell, "Yo! What the f*** you doing bro?! That's a female. Get away from her. NOW!!!" My friends quickly reinforced my sentiment. Next, the guy starts charging towards us by the truck and she's right behind him telling him to calm down. Seems like deja vu to her, I guess. He's clearly drunk. By the time he reaches my vehicle, I've already grabbed my pistol. Once, we're face to face, I cock the gun to get some quick understanding. I tell him, "Hey man! You need to get out of here cause this is will not go like you think it will. I promise". Meanwhile, he's still belligerent. Hear me out, I had no intentions of killing nor shooting this idiot. He was drunk & not in his right mind so shooting him would serve no purpose. But, I did plan on pistol whipping the s*** out of him though. I was about to teach him a thing or two about respecting women THAT night. I would've done it for every battered woman I seen on the Lifetime Channel. However, his girlfriend put a halt to the lesson plan. As this debacles ensued, little Miss "Hurt Back", is crying hysterically begging me not to shoot him. At this point, I'm beyond confused. It was blowing my mind to see a chick, who just got Hulk smashed into the ground, actually taking up for this clown & making it seem as if I'm the bad guy. Then it hit me....... Everything froze in time........ At the moment, I had an epiphany.........
I was reminded I was in North Dakota. A black man with two other black men with a gun drawn on 2 white people in a bar parking lot. WTF am I doing? This is one of those "the story writes itself" moments. If you don't get it by now, this is a textbook setup for a hate crime, at minimum. 3 black males, 2 white people in an assault case involving a firearm, you do the math. Just like that, a million charges could've been filed without my gun ever firing. Yet another cliche' story of a black man being the perpetrator to a violent crime along with some friends who were at the wrong place, wrong time. It happens every day. Without Miss "Hurt Back's" consent or cooperation, my act of pure chivalry made us another victim to a lousy statistic. Just like that.
Another incident my buddy told me his sister was hit by her boyfriend. I asked what he planned to do about it. Without hesitation, he said, "Nothing". I'm shocked. He continued, "Man, what I look like doing something to a man when my sister gone be right back with him? Now we got beef but she still with him. Nah, brah. I know my sister. She good." Sure enough, his sister still is with the same dude to this day. My friend never told no lie. He knew like Miss Barbara's neighbors knew. Getting involved in a domestic dispute is kind of powerless if the victims is not ready and willing to leave. It's like kidnapping someone from another kidnapper. Til then, we can only hope he doesn't kill her.
I have a message for all the Barbara's & Miss "Hurt Backs" in the world, baby, that ain't LOVE. Love doesn't hurt, it's Kind. If it Doesn't feel good, chances are, it ain't good Sweetheart. I need you to GET OUT.......like, NOW! I think you should take some time & just love yourself. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. You can't pour from an empty glass and you can't give what you don't have. LOVE starts from within and excurberates outward. Loving yourself sends a signal to the Universe that says, "Hey! I love myself! I am ready to give & receive LOVE". When this occurs, the right person with all the right intentions will come along. When it's real, you don't find it, IT FINDS YOU. I hope you hear me though. Trust me on this. If you don't remember anything else, remember to LOVE yourself first. If you can't love yourself there's nothing you can do or give to anybody else. Like Mufasa, "Remember..... Remember........remember....rem.."
Lastly, these are very real scenarios that transpire every day between marriages, couples, family members, and sadly kids. Domestic violence of any sort should never be accepted nor tolerated by anyone. No one deserves the pain and agony of feeling worthless as the result of physical abuse. Being abused ONE time is one time too many. Respect yourself enough to GET OUT as fast as you can. If you feel you can't get out, TELL SOMEONE. Call 9-1-1. Call a friend you trust. Hell, call me. If that time comes, BE READY to leave and NEVER go back. Going back only makes it okay in the "abuser's" eye. Don't give them that POWER. They don't deserve that and you deserve more. If you want out, make it easier for those willing to get you to safety. Help us help you! For your sake. We LOVE you. Don't be Barbara! Don't be Miss "Hurt Back". Blessings. 3x's
- Pulitzer Pap 


  • Mandela

    Awesome read bro.! IF Someone ever gets into that situation, they should stop it then and there. Fear stops a lot of people from walking away. But fear is only an emotion; a signal of preparation to take action..

  • Mar

    Dope read!! As you have, I’ve seen the same situation and it is sad. It’s always up to the one being abused to do something. Not to put fault on them at all. They have to want to leave the situation. Looking forward to more content from you fam!

  • Mr Window Pane Lova

    Dope read bruh!

  • Tarvarez Mathis

    Great read as well as excellent message.

  • Adam

    Thanks for sharing man! Keep it up.

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